I’ve been wanting to write this piece for awhile because as I start down the path of 31, I’m getting a little sick of hearing the proverbial question that most women are asked once they cross the threshold of 30 (25 if we’re being honest).
Why aren’t you married yet?
I’ve decided that rather than continuously wracking my brain to come up with creative and inspiring answers to that question, for every inquiring mind that wants to know how I make it through the day without a man on my arm, here’s my answer all neatly laid out, un-apologetically.
Dear Inquiring Minds….
Being single isn’t a sentence that you wait out.
I can’t tell you how many Facebook statuses I’ve come across with both single men and women lamenting about the fact that they have no one in their lives to be romantic with. And I sit there wondering what I’m doing wrong in my single state then because so far I’ve been having a ball. And believe me…there’s definitely been romance and fun. This past year alone, I’ve gone out on some of the most interesting dates, traveled to a foreign country, learned a new language, and started a business. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you stop focusing on the one thing that you don’t have and instead look at all the other options that are available right now. I’m not suggesting that you settle. I’m just saying that everything isn’t for you at that particular moment. But in the meantime, you can still get the most out of life and take time to pursue other interests.
I enjoy me.
Over the years I’ve come to realize that Christina is actually an exceptionally delightful woman. I’m smart. I’m creative. And when left to my own devices, I come up with some of my best projects. As great as relationships can be, sometimes it becomes too much to have me and someone else in my head simultaneously. And honestly, most of the time, my thoughts are much more entertaining. But most importantly, spending time alone has forced me to deal with my initial discomfort with being alone. I’ve made a conscious decision to deal with my insecurities and unpack the baggage that has come from moving from relationship to relationship so that I can actually grow comfortable in my own skin. Every man and woman needs to do this. Contrary to popular belief, no person completes you. All a relationship should be is two whole persons coming together to form a partnership. Nothing more. It’s unfair to enter into any relationship in pieces and expect someone else to put you back together. And I never want to burden my partner with that.
I like what I like, how I like it.
I’ve learned that I’m very particular about what I want. When I was 9, everyone was wearing this particular style of Nike, but all my friends were buying the black or white version of the sneaker because that’s what was “in” at the time. So when my mom took me to buy mine (several weeks after all my friends had already been sporting the sneakers), I spotted a red and white pair and immediately said, “That’s what I want.” Why? Because no one else was wearing those colors. I watched all my friends run out to get the latest fad, but I took my time and waited to see what no one else had, and then I went after it. I’ve found that this philosophy has suited me well in life because as I watched many of my friends rush into relationships and marriage (and later divorce), I’ve realized that it behooves me to take my time and wait for a mate that suits at least 80% of my tastes before I lock it down. And it’s not about knocking those who made the decision early to marry; it’s really about knowing me and what I like. Some people value having someone over having something with value. I choose not to settle.
Being pretty isn’t a good enough reason to get married.
I absolutely hate when someone says, “A pretty little thing like you should have been snatched up by now.” I know they mean well but every time someone says this it makes me cringe. Because I mean, if I were less attractive would that somehow disqualify me from the prospects of marriage? And furthermore, it’s preposterous to assume that all attractive people even want to get married. Honestly…the things people say…..smh
Cats are freakin’ cool.
I love my cats and my partner needs to be okay with them because we’re a package deal. And the truth of the matter is, if I had two dogs there would be no connection whatsoever to my relationship status, so enough with the cat jokes.
Sincerely, Single and Whole
You may also enjoy this inspiring piece from Argentine film director Paula Schargorodsky. Check out her story.